Monday, 12 November 2012

The Banality of the Monday Morning M42 Odyssey

I would like to rant, rave, curse and more than likely swear at the journey I have to do every Monday morning from Kingswinford, through Stourbridge and Hagely, onto the M5 and then the M42, before reaching the relatively quiet platitude of the M40. Increasingly it seems every single week another 500,000 cars are added to the route at exactly the same time I leave, irrespective of the fact that I am leaving consistently earlier every single week. By the time I have bludgeoned my way onto the motorway, the benefits of a three-lane fast-moving highway have mysteriously evaporated into thin air, having been replaced by a solid mass of stationary traffic, akin to leaving a large concert at the NEC on a Saturday night.

Where do these people come from? Why are they added each week? Where in Hades are they going? Why is it that a disproportionate number of them see to break down, smash into each other or generally come to a grinding halt across, thus blocking all three lanes? What makes it worse is the fact that it is not a lack at a level playing field any longer. Getting out of bed 5 min earlier leaving the house 10 min earlier each week does not seem to have an effect. In fact it only results in me being more bad tempered and tired as a consequence. In fact, even if an earlier start resulted in a successful solution it can only go so far as there comes a point where there is no benefit in going to bed if one has to get up a mere hour later. No, I think the time has come for more drastic action. I am thinking about fixing a bulldozer scoop to the front of my vehicle to smash them all out of the way. Something similar to what Richard Burton David at the end of Where Eagles Dare when they were trying to get to the air field in time. I have also contemplated plugging the radio stations and sending out false messages but the entire M42 motorway system is gridlocked due to an accident so these drivers are dissuaded from accessing it in the first place. Being as none of them can drive properly it would probably be welcomed by the greater commuting community.

Which leads me onto a question… why is it that anyone is able to access the motorway and dry legally on the motorway having passed a test that never having taken motorway lessons?